I’m not really sure where to begin with this so I’m just going to start typing and see where that takes me.
Not knowing where to begin seems to be a huge theme in my life at the moment. I am surrounded by half finished tasks, half tackled piles of paperwork and half completed lists.
I’m normally a list lover. That satisfaction you get when crossing through the items one-by-one. However, my lack of motivation recently has meant that even picking up a pen and paper to start a list (I’m old school!) has sometimes seemed like a gargantuan feat. When I have managed it, my lists have started to include items I would never usually feel the need to include. The other day, when my son was a bit poorly, my list went something like this:
1. Get dressed – TICK
2. Get A dressed (if feeling a bit better) – NOPE
3. Take medicine – TICK
4. Wash up breakfast items – TICK
5. Put a load of washing on – TICK
6. Write birthday cards – TICK
7. Lists for party – NOPE
Something has gone seriously astray when I need to start my list with getting myself and my son dressed! What’s next?
1. Breathe in
2. Breathe out
3. Repeat ad infinitum
I talked in my last post about my growing sense of ennui and it is starting to seriously concern me. I’m losing touch with pretty much everyone outside of my immediate family. Friends text and I take so long to reply it’s embarrassing and, quite frankly, rude. I’m only on Twitter sporadically now as I frequently feel I have little of any value to say but I do miss the ‘chatter’ and many on there have been really supportive. I’m sure I’ll be back soon.
My husband said to me yesterday that I am “constantly fed up lately” and he’s right. I’m really trying hard to motivate myself and ‘snap out of it’ (HATE that phrase but it’s been said to me so often recently it seemed apt!) but it’s feels like climbing Everest some days and I’m not sure why. Perhaps the new medication (unconnected) I’m taking is having an adverse effect on my mood. It’s possible I suppose but unlikely. Perhaps the various ailments I seem to have on an almost constantly rotating basis have just worn me down. Maybe but in the grand scheme of things I really have no right to complain about my health.
Ultimately, something has to change or all of the things I want to accomplish are going to remain unaccomplished.
Anyone had any experience of feeling like this? How did you cope with it?
Thanks for reading